Mercy Date
by Orchideater
Summary: Launch x Roshi, HUMOR one-shot. Yes, you read that pairing right! Launch is feeling generous and Roshi can't believe his luck. No lemons or limes, don't worry.


Disclaimer: All DBZ characters property of Akira Toriyama and official licensees, and I make no money from this fanfiction.

AN: M/F, comedy/romance? odd-couple (L x MR) This was done for odd-couple month at the DBZ Fanfic Salon. Enjoy or be horrified, either way!

Mercy Date

by Orchideater

---

He's at it again, that silly old man, she thought as she noticed a small mirror slide under the bathroom door.

Launch shook her head as she continued her nightly moisturizing routine. Using the bathroom mirror, she discreetly watched him move and reposition the bit of mirror. Not very imaginative, Roshi. But then again, could something so simple work?

Apparently not well enough, as the mirror withdrew with an accompanying grumble from outside.

What a hopeless old pervert.

She turned back to her reflection with a thoughtful frown. Was obsessing over young girls just a hobby for him, or was he truly desperate for female companionship? She wondered how long he'd been without. Years, she suspected, maybe even decades or more. Did he act like a pervert because he felt he had no real chance with girls anymore and might as well tease them? Would he even know what to do if a girl actually responded to his overeager advances?

The thought sent a dart of inspiration through her, and she suddenly felt the desire to see the look on his face if such a thing were to ever happen.

She wanted to shatter his expectations, to be the one that was different, to be that one great and generous woman. He would certainly be more grateful than a handsome young man who could easily attract the opposite sex. The idea of martyring herself in such a way excited her.

It could possibly even be enjoyable. Perhaps he'd learned a few things in his 300 years on the planet. Though his absent pupils were quickly surpassing him, if they hadn't already, he still carried the title of world's strongest martial artist, which was quite impressive in its own right. And despite being an incorrigible pervert, for all the time she'd known him, she had never felt threatened, never felt that he would take advantage of her in any way other than a peek or a squeeze.

What would he do if she gave him everything he'd always wanted?

Launch swung the door open abruptly, startling Roshi, who was still standing there with the mirror in hand.

"Master Roshi," she said like a teacher admonishing a child, looking down on him and the mirror, "I am quite disappointed in you."

"Ah! W-well you see, the door, it sticks, and I was, uh, checking the underside to see if anything was dragging," he stammered, hand behind the head. Launch had never confronted him about his bad habits before, even seemed oblivious to them altogether.

"If there's one thing I can't abide..." Launch said tightly.

"Eh-heh, just a tiny, harmless mirror, can't see a thing with it–"

"It's a man who doesn't know how to ask for what he wants."

"Eh?"

"Just what were you trying to accomplish with that mirror, huh?"

"W-well, I, erm..."

"Was there something you wanted?"

Roshi's brain started to freeze up in disbelief as Launch fixed him with a sultry look. This had to be a trick. Why wasn't she knocking him into next week? Sure, this was her more placid, blue-haired form, but still...

"Anything at all?"

Was she really offering him...? All right. He'd ask, then! "Miss Launch-san," he started, a line of drool trailing from his grinning maw, "could I have..."

"Yes?"

"A peek at your panties???"

Launch sweatdropped. Well, it was a start. "Is that all?" She gracefully held the sides of her robe and opened it wide, revealing her tender, voluptuous body, her swelling curves bound in the fine lace of an expensive bra and panties set.

"Gahh-hah!" Roshi spurted nosebleed across the room. "Oh my poor old head," he whimpered, holding a tissue to his nose, then boggling and goggling at the unbelievable sight before him. A girl! A real live pichi-pichi girl in his living room, standing willingly in her underwear. It was too good to be true!

"Is that all you wanted?" Launch felt the thrill of control. "You only wanted to look?"

She was offering more? It couldn't be! One man couldn't be so lucky!

"Y-you mean I can touch... touch your rear," his fingers twitched in anticipation, "or even your, your b-b-breasts... and you won't slap me?"

"You know, I'm really getting tired of this," she said, feigning annoyance. Roshi looked horrified. Damn, had he said something wrong?

"Don't you want to have every part of me?"

Roshi almost passed out. He staggered backward into the couch, and with a superhuman effort, righted himself, clutching his heart. "Oh my... Are you trying to do me in, girl?! You actually want to... to _do the deed?_"

"Well, if you're not up to it..."

"Gah-hah! I'm up to it. I'm up to it!"

"That's better."

"Although, I have to say," Roshi began, his face grown serious, even sad.

"Hmm?"

"I never expected something like this from you, of all people. I always saw you as so pure, so virginal. It was part of the attraction. This is almost a disappointment."

Launch narrowed her eyes at him. She shut her robe and turned away. "Oh, I see. Well, if that's how you feel, I can go."

Roshi immediately squawked and scrambled around so he was facing her again. "I didn't mean it like that! Must be my senility acting up again, ah-hahah! Stupid Roshi!" he shouted, conking himself in the head repeatedly.

In response she opened her silk robe again, holding back the sides with her hands on her hips. Roshi slobbered, hands reaching for her round, ripe breasts.

"But first," she said firmly, stopping the hands with her voice, "we need to establish some rules."

Roshi gaped, worried that the heavenly gift before him might be too good to be true after all.

"First of all, I'm doing this on a whim. I'm not your girlfriend. You're not my boyfriend. When and if this happens again in the future, it will be on my terms. This is just for laughs, and because I thought you could use it."

"Wait a minute," Roshi said angrily, "So you're doing this out of pity? Poor old man, the women won't touch him with a 10-foot pole. Is that it?"

"Partly, yes."

"I'll take it."

"Secondly," she continued, "you need to act like a human being and not a slobbering hentai. That means no drooling," Roshi immediately sucked in his drool, "no panting, no giggling, and no stupid comments or joking about any parts of my anatomy."

"Hmm," Roshi thought hard about this, chin in hand. "That's going to be difficult. What about leering?"

"Leering is okay."

"Then it's a can-do, Launch-san!" He saluted and tried reaching for her again.

"Lastly," she said, once more stopping him in his tracks, "when we do it," she turned her head and cast her eyes downward, a finger pressed to her lips, blushing prettily. The action made his blood boil. "I want you to do that thing you do. Like when you do the kamehameha."

Roshi looked perplexed. "Thing?"

"You know... when you get," Launch held her arms out to the sides, "big."

"Oh!" Roshi said as the light bulb went on over his head. He grinned and shook his finger at her. "Oh-ho, so you like the muscles, eh? You naughty, naughty girl!"

Launch giggled femininely into her hand in a move she knew he'd like.

"Well, it will take some concentration, but for you, sweetheart, anything! Is that the end of the list?"

"Yes."

"Woo-hoo!" he shouted to the heavens, then zipped forward and whisked her up into his arms. "Let's party, baby! Daddy ends his 200-year dry spell tonight!"

Launch just giggled. What a silly old man.

---

AN: I beg your forgiveness. I must be crazy, but I actually kinda like this pairing (if it were to happen under the circumstances as described above). Btw, this is supposed to be happening sometime between the 21st and 22nd Budokais. Thanks for reading!


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